On this BONUS episode of 52 'Til I Do, Amethyst sits down with her husband, Sam, to break (or not) some all-too-old myths about groom involvement in the wedding planning process. They're sharing real insights on how partners can be involved and supportive, and highlighting the value of every voice in planning a day that feels true to both of you.
We are here to debunk the myths about what grooms can and can't do in the planning process! When it comes to wedding planning, there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Every couple is different, and that means every planning process will look different, too. Some couples may split everything equally, while others may naturally take on different roles based on their interests and strengths.
The goal of this episode is to break down the old myths surrounding groom involvement and show that there are countless ways for both partners to be involved in the planning process. Whether you’re deeply involved in every decision or take the lead on just a few parts of the wedding, what matters is finding a balance that works for both of you and creating a day that reflects your relationship.
We know there’s that stereotype of “the bride who’s been dreaming of her wedding since the day she was born,” but… that’s not always true. Some people have had their wedding planned out in their head for years, while others don’t start thinking about the details until they’re actually engaged. And honestly, both are completely normal.
No matter what you identify as, who you are, or what your role is in the relationship, you’re allowed to dream about your big day. Grooms can have opinions about flowers, venues, music, food, colors, outfits, or the overall atmosphere. Brides can care about the budget, the logistics, or the details just as much as anyone else. And if neither of you has a strong opinion about certain things, that’s okay, too! Maybe you’ve always pictured a huge celebration with all your family and friends. Maybe you’ve dreamed about a small backyard wedding. Maybe you care most about the food, the music, the location, or simply having the people you love in the same room. Whatever you’ve imagined, there’s room for it. So let yourselves dream, and be sure to give each other the space to dream too.
In this section, we’re debunking a huge list of myths about grooms, groom involvement in the planning process, and what grooms can expect on the wedding day. A lot of these myths come from old traditions and stereotypes about what a bride or groom is “supposed” to care about. But every couple is different, and there’s no one way to be involved in your wedding.
Not always true! One of the biggest problems with these myths is that they rely on huge generalizations. Yes, some grooms may not be as interested in every detail of the planning process as others—but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about the wedding.
Maybe you care about the venue but couldn’t care less about the napkin color. Maybe you have strong opinions about the music, food, or photography. Maybe you actually enjoy being involved in all of it! Whatever your level of interest looks like, you’re allowed to have an opinion. So, grooms, you’re allowed to care!
NOT TRUEEE. No matter who you are, please don’t feel obligated to just say yes to everything. If your bride or soon-to-be spouse asks what you think, your job isn’t to automatically agree just to keep everyone happy. It’s your wedding, too. You should be able to ask questions, share your opinions, and understand why certain decisions are being made. That doesn’t mean you need to turn every decision into a debate, but you also shouldn’t feel like you have to stay silent.
Sometimes the best planning happens when both people can honestly say, “I actually have a different idea.”
This one is a massive generalization. There’s a common idea that one partner has been imagining their wedding day for years while the other person is just along for the ride. But plenty of grooms have thought about their wedding day, too. They may have imagined the kind of venue they want, what they’ll wear, who they want standing beside them, or what they want the day to feel like. And even if you haven’t thought about your wedding before getting engaged, that doesn’t make your ideas any less important. You don’t have to have a Pinterest board from age twelve to have an opinion now.
Let’s retire this one. Planning a wedding requires organization, communication, decision-making, budgeting, and a whole lot of coordination—but none of those skills belong exclusively to one gender. If a man can plan a week-long boys’ trip, organize a fishing or camping trip, coordinate transportation, figure out where everyone is staying, keep track of a budget, and make sure everyone has what they need… he can plan a wedding.
The same goes the other way around. Planning ability isn’t determined by whether you’re the bride or the groom. It comes down to the individual!
Do they? While there may be certain parts of wedding planning that a groom traditionally hasn’t been expected to handle, that doesn’t mean the groom has nothing to do. There are vendors to communicate with, decisions to make, family members to coordinate with, budgets to discuss, and plenty of wedding-day responsibilities. The amount each person takes on will look different for every couple, but being the groom doesn’t automatically mean you get a free pass from the planning process. But keep remembering that every couple is different. A groom may have less work to do depending on how you and your partner decide to split the work.
Another old assumption is that the bride’s family is naturally more involved while the groom’s family just shows up on the wedding day. That doesn’t have to be the case! Both families can be an important part of the planning process and the wedding itself, depending on what works for the couple. Maybe the groom’s parents are helping with a specific part of the wedding, contributing ideas, or simply being there to support their son.
The important thing is that family involvement should be based on what the couple wants—not on outdated expectations about whose family matters more.
We’re talking about grooming, after all! There’s sometimes an assumption that the bride gets the hair, makeup, nails, skincare, and other pre-wedding appointments while the groom just takes a shower and shows up. But grooms can absolutely put some thought into getting ready for the wedding, too.
That might mean a haircut, beard trim, skincare, a manicure, choosing a cologne, or simply making sure you feel your best in your wedding-day outfit. You don’t have to do any of these things if you don’t want to—but you also don’t have to avoid them just because you’re the groom.
The planning is done, the big day is finally here, and now it’s time to actually enjoy it. But there are a few things grooms can do to make the wedding day run a little more smoothly—for themselves, their partner, and everyone involved.
We love a bachelor party moment… however, we do not love a hangover on your wedding day. The night before your wedding is a good time to slow down, get some rest, drink plenty of water, and make sure you’re ready for the very long day ahead. You don’t want to spend your wedding morning exhausted and trying to remember where you left your shoes. Celebrate, have fun, and enjoy time with your friends—but remember that tomorrow is a pretty important day.
This goes for everyone, but grooms, this one is for you. Make a checklist of everything you’ll need on the wedding day and make sure it’s packed and ready to go ahead of time. Think about your suit or tux, shoes, socks, tie, watch, rings, vows, wallet, phone, and anything else you’ll need throughout the day. It’s much easier to check everything off a list the night before than to realize you forgot something when you’re already getting ready.
Pro tip: Before your photographer arrives to take those getting-ready photos, try to be about 90% dressed. That doesn’t mean your tie needs to be perfectly tied, your jacket needs to be on, or your shoes need to be laced up. Those final details actually make for great photos!
What you don’t want is for your photographer to arrive while you’re still in your underwear trying to put your pants on. Have the majority of your outfit ready so the photos can focus on those final moments of getting dressed.
Your partner may have a much longer morning of getting ready, especially if they’re having hair and makeup professionally done. That can leave them with less time to handle anything else that needs to happen. So if you have some extra time in the morning, use it to help out! Maybe that means picking up the cupcakes, double-checking with a vendor, grabbing something someone forgot, answering a few phone calls, or making sure everything is where it needs to be. You don’t have to take over the entire day; you’re just helping carry some of the load when you have the time to do so.
At the end of the day, being a groom doesn’t come with a specific job description. You don’t have to fit a certain stereotype, care about every detail, or stay out of the planning process just because that’s what you’ve seen before.
Find what works for you and your partner, communicate, share the responsibilities, and make sure both of you have a voice in the process. Whether you’re involved in every decision or take ownership of a few specific parts of the wedding, your involvement should reflect what works for your relationship!
Be sure to listen to Episode 46.5 of 52 ‘Til I Do on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to learn more about groom involvement!
Have more questions? Send us a message at hello@marryment.com or get in touch on our social media—we love helping couples navigate this part of wedding planning!
Photo Credit to JNA Visuals
Marryment proudly serves couples all across Chicago and the surrounding Chicago Suburbs including popular areas such as Schaumburg, Elmhurst, Naperville, Evanston, Joliet, Oak Park, Skokie, Barrington, Downers Grove and Northbrook, to name a few. We also love destination weddings. We'd love to be a part of your wedding day! Schedule your free planning call with us today.
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